So Mallory has finished the school year, but she failed a couple of electives. I was trying to calming talk to her about this when she exploded with major attitude. I simply tried to tell her that she totally wasted her time since now she will have to take those electives next year. MAN SHE GOT MEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She stomped up to her room and I overheard her saying some AWFUL things about me... I have never felt so hurt, some were lies, others I can not even repeat without my stomach turning. So I opened her door and told her to pack her crap, she could move in with her Dad. That stopped her in her tracks, she knew she had messed up.
A typical teenager, she tried everything in the book:
Guilt - "I have had a really tough couple of weeks", "I am trying my hardest" (NOT TRUE), "I am sorry I am stupid, not perfect or a great kid, sorry I don't have better friends."
Emotions - "I love you mom, you're the best" "I am sorry, sorry, sorry".
Basically Ron had to intervene which was strange, Mallory and I generally get along great. Sor we decided as punishment for the horrible things she said, she has to pull all the weeds in the garden in our yard........... She thought she got off easy until she saw it. After working feverishly for about an hour in the hot sunshine she had completed 1 square foot, however, she never complained.
Our reasoning for this approach was that I love this garden but don't have time to weed it, she needed to do something special for me AND we wanted her to experience manual labor since that will be her only job option if she continues down a bad path in school.....
I also explained to her that she did not have to be perfect or brilliant - if she was, I wouldn't like her. I also told her that I love her friends, I just worry that their bad decisions will cause her secondary pain (physical, emotional, etc.). As you saw in my previous blogs her friends have been making some VERY poor choices.
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3 comments:
Sounds nasty. I am sorry you guys fought, and I am extra sorry that she said a lot of horrible things.
It is hard to understand when you are young, but the things we say to people in anger stay in their heads, and repeat themselves for a very long time.
I love you very much. You are a wonderful mother, and your children are lucky to have you.
Ugh. How rough. I don't know the true venom of teenagers but I am pretty sure Hannah will be dishing out pure hatred at that age.
I hope Mallory realizes how important school is. I guess she isn't getting the car now!
I totally agree with Misty, you are a fantastic mother.
Ellen - she is getting one more opportunity to get the car. She will get the car on a weekly basis once the school year starts, no ditching, no late assignments and no "F's". We can check this online every Friday, if there are any of those, she loses the car for the following week.
We are also instituting "school hour" every night where whe is ONLY to do school work. It is amazing because they become teenagers and parents forget that they need and want strong boundaries. This is what happens when you don't institute them because you think they are responsible enough to handle it...
Lesson learned. Thanks for the words of encouragement!!
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