This site is dedicated to my ever loving bratty children, my tolerant husband and well to my friends who support me in so many ways even when we don't speak for years. Cheers - to the beautiful and not so beautiful passings in our lives. In other words - those moments when life is painful and all you can do is laugh until you cry (or pee)!

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Hannah Montana & Groundings

Today has been an interesting day...

I woke up at 9:00am on a Sunday to take Amber to see Hannah Montana in the theaters. I really thought that it would rank right up there with getting a colonic. It was in 3-D and yes, it was annoying and terrible.... However, seeing Amber jumping up and down giggling and screaming was worth every bit of the pain and torture (and the $30 the tickets cost - plus $12 in popcorn and a bucket of soda). What a sight, she was SO excited...

Right now I am sitting here listening to torture; no not Hannah Montana - Mallory screaming and crying because she is sick of being grounded. It is a four day weekend for her and she is miserable... God I hate being a mom sometimes. Of course, we never believed our parents when they said that grounding us hurt them as much as it did us...... now we know; grounding does hurt us as parents.

I am going to get to escape to work in the next 2 hours and I can't wait. The pain of listening to her cry is unbearable.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Mallory's baby brother was born....

So an update to my last post. Mallory has 3 little siblings (possibly more that were adopted out years ago as she was).

She has 2 brothers - one was born yesterday...
She also has a sister

They are all under the age of 5.

I am feeling a little better - Mally was on cloud nine, I am still nervous that she is going to get hurt...

Friday, February 15, 2008

Hmmm why am I upset?

I am sitting here and I feel uncomfortable.... Mallory is talking to her father (yes - Jason her biological father) on the phone in the room next to me.

I have always wanted her to be content in the "dad" department. I just worry that she will be disappointed. I was so crushed when Barry left and she was lonely and abandoned. When Ron came back into the picture she displayed some hope that not all "dad's" are bad... Ron is wonderful to her but she has always been searching for that "real dad".

Jason is a great guy - he actually wouldn't talk to her until he talked to me to make sure that I was ok with it. He also wanted to respect my wishes since he had signed away all rights. He sounds like he is doing well in life (married, kids etc.).

What is strange to me is that Mallory has siblings out there (a lot of them) that she doesn't know. It never really crossed my mind that she has brothers and sisters other than Amber.

I think what it comes down to is............................ I don't share well.

Not really an interesting blog - but I do feel better. Thanks for reading.


Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Brain Purge

So it has been a while since I last posted... The reason - I didn't put it on my schedule.

I have found that my brain is purging everything that is not a part of survival, such as:

Blogging to update my friends
Passwords to everything I need
and - I can't remember if there is anything else

Yes, it is true - I am not quite sure of the last time I showered because I am not even sure what day it is... Yesterday I slept for a whole 3 hours of a 24 hour day... I am seeing wrinkles that I don't think were there a month ago, black bags under my eyes that are making me look like a raccoon and children that I can't remember if they are mine.

The good news is - I only have another 11 months of this before I can move on with my life, get to know my kids again and possibly get a face lift to repair the damage of this year...

What I find truly amazing is that when you don't have any time, you inevitably are able to find time for those things important to you (obviously showering is not very important to me - although I think those around me disagree with my priorities). I have seen my friends in town more, called more people that I know and I think it is because I am so frantically fearful that I will lose touch with the world. Did any of you know there was a tornado in Tennessee?? I didn't... I guess news is not important anymore either.

Here is what I "think" is happening with my family in the last couple of weeks:

Amber - she is learning life lessons on how to behave properly by watching other children's behavior and trying to reproduce it... surprisingly she is doing well with this.

Mallory - she is doing VERY well. Things got rough for her and she is picking herself up off the ground, dusting off the dirt, healing the bruises and moving on with life. I have high hopes for her abilities. She has signed up for Warren Tech to learn how to be a something I can't spell but it has to do with skincare... She is doing really well at work and even picked up an extra shift when someone called in sick. This is something that most teenagers don't sign up for - extra work!!

Tyler - Tyler was sick and was grounded to "staying home from school". He really wanted to go to school but with much protest he agreed to stay home and vomit...

Ron - oh Ron... he is trying so hard to keep up with his life at work, at home, as a husband, a parent, a computer programmer, a mechanic, oh and did I mention a parent. He has taken on so much of the duties that I cannot do and he is doing an incredible job. He is enjoying playing with his new motor from a Lexus that he is putting into his 4runner. Oh and he is soon to be quitting smoking amidst all of this....

That is all for now - I love and miss you all... I will be paroled from my internship in 11 months and hopefully I will still remember all of your names. Bye for now.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Hell week/sad death/ACT Tests

This last week has been challenging. I worked 16 hours straight (was supposed to be 20, but I couldn't make it); I don't remember driving home but the only damage was that I drove over the flagstone in the front yard when I got home. It took a couple of days to recover, but I survived.

Sad news... My ex-husband Barry (Ambers Dad), his brother Greg died yesterday. Greg was a great guy always independent and successful. In the last few years things became tough. He couldn't handle how unforgiving and tough life could be. It is suspected that he accidentally ended his young life yesterday afternoon trying to numb the pain of misfortune. Please take a moment to send heartfelt thoughts to his 12 year old daughter and 8 year old son and his wonderful wife of many years.

This situation is so similar to many in this world; this is yet another reason I chose to go into the mental health field. I only wish that more people had the courage to get help.

Update on Mallory - so we have always talked about college with Mallory until about 6 years ago when I got called into her therapists office and asked to quit talking about it "Mallory is NOT interested in going to college". We were crushed and the only bright side we could see in it all is that we could use her college money to build an addition on the house - ensuring that she will have a place to live since without college she probably wouldn't be able to afford a place of her own.

Last week Mallory asked if I could look at the Metro State website to see what the admission requirements were (I assumed that she was asking for a friend). She then saw what the ACT/SAT scores need to be in accordance with GPA. It was one of "those" moments....... she looked at me and said "Mom, I need to get my grades up and get a study book for the ACT/SAT". It was every parents dream - that moment when your child makes an adult decision that you want them to make, but each time you bring it up, they are pushed further for it. I asked her what changed her mind and she said "Well, I can't live on minimum wage now can I?"

I went and bought her the book to study from and got that "I have a masters degree" attitude and sat down to read the questions in the book....... Oh my, we forget a lot...... I effectively answered about 10 questions out of 50 (and I guessing on 6 of them)...

We also need to some good thoughts sent Mallory's way - on Thursday she is having $1,900 in oral surgery done... She is getting 4 impacted wisdom teeth removed and some procedure to encourage her stubborn 12 year molar to make an appearance.... Yeah, I did say $1,900...

Talk to you all soon.