School, Bugars and The "White" Woman

OK so after 3 weekens in a row of school, a kid who has had to go to the doctor and the dentist in preparation for braces.... I am one tired mama...

The only entertaining piece of late is that I told Amber that once her braces were put on, she would have to cut up her food and eat it with a fork.... her reply "I have to eat my bugars with a fork?"........... After gagging for a few seconds and I am sure giving her that "I know you didn't just say that" look, I realized she meant "burgers".

Um gross...

I did have an interesting experience at 7-11 in Aurora, I was walking into the store and the cutest little black girl (I am guessing she was about 5 years old) had spilled a 64 oz big gulp of kool-aid on the floor, the store was busy and mom and daughter were laughing and good natured about the spill, but it was everywhere. So I offered to help clean it up and the little girl stopped cleaning it and looked up at me and said loudly "BUT YOU'RE WHITE", I didn't know what to say so I said "I am?"... She didn't know what to say so she stood up, crossed her arms and watched in amazment that a white woman was cleaning up her mess.

Her mother explained with embarassment that in her neighborhood, white people weren't nice to them, the only response I could muster was "I am not from your neighborhood and I am sorry".

I cannot believe that this crap still happens, or maybe I don't want to, but what an eye opener, for a white girl!!

Be kind to everyone folks - just one nice gesture could change a childs view of the world forever.

Back to School

OK so now that all of us parents are BROKE, since the schools want "Crayola" instead of generic (you remember the black and white packages of generic items that our parents used to buy to end our social lives in elementary schools). School clothes which cost a lot and have NO ENOUGH material...... especially in the teen section. Good god...I though we were in the bathing suit section, not the teen clothing section. Although I did find some cute lingerie in the teen clothing section.... Mallory then told me it is a top not lingerie... I guess I will save myself some embarassment and just go naked...

Anyway, so Amber is getting braces in a couple of weeks and I cannot beleive how much money they want for 6 tiny little brackets and a wire....... I was trying to think how that could cost $3,200, I think I am going to ask if we can provide our own parts and just pay the dentist for labor...... After all I have a couple of brackets that fell off of my teeth when I had braces and I know we can super glue them to her teeth... I also have "Memory" wire for jewelry making and some pliers.. WHAT IS SO DAMN EXPENSIVE...

Mallory's job is going well although her boss is a 24 year old control freak who thinks he rules the world because he manages a "Melt" store. They carry a lot of really cool things that nobody needs, like bath salt (If you are sweaty enough your sweat can turn a bath salty right?). They also have lots of lotion although when broke crisco works just like Eucerin (feels like it too). They also have face cleanser that causes zits..... apparently this is good????

Anyway, that is all for now... I need to go tend to my niece whose eyes appear like those of a pot head..... she has a nasty case of pink eye and is enjoying rubbing her eyes and touching things...... I am so glad the plague came to visit...... We love her lots, she is a super cool kid.........

"Survivor Man" Ron & Coni Style

OH MY.... Only with my luck can something this awful take place. Ron and I split town for the weekend of camping and as you can tell since I am blogging on Saturday it didn't go so well!!!

We packed an airmattress and all the camping gear we could find and plenty of food for our big adventure in the mountains. We have never been camping together and the kids are gone so we set out Friday afternoon for a weekend of 4-wheeling and fun!

We got up to Georgia pass and made it about a mile in when we needed 4-Wheel drive, suddenly there was a loud "BANG, CLANK, BANG CLANK" right under my seat, it was raining biting cats and dogs but we stopped on the trail and Ron got out to take a look under the truck, I got out and came around to turn the steering wheel while he inspected and heard a "PSSSSSSSSSSSSSS" coming from the tire.

Soaking wet now, we decided that we needed to turn back to the lovely town of Como (Population 5) we managed to get a can of "Fix a flat" and realized that as long as we stayed out of 4-Wheel drive, the truck drove fine. We decided since we were already up in the mountains we would just find a campground on Boreas Pass since that trail doesn't require 4-Wheel drive. We found a beautiful campground and set up camp at 10,500 feet... We had a really good time in spite of our troubles until it started raining cats and biting dogs again......... We got into the back of the truck, the airmattress inflated and settled in to sleep for the night WRONG!!!!!!!

The airmattress doesn't quite fit in the back of the truck and was rubbing on the sides of the truck making a loud "PLTHB" sounds like a giant fart. As most of you know in the mountains EVERYTHING is so quiet.......... Except for our "farting mattress" that was loud enough to wake up the bears every time we moved. Then came the COLD............. we had a comforter and that was it (DUMB INEXPERIENCED CAMPERS). We were up all night waiting for sunlight, shivering in our multiple coats and smoking cigarettes to pass the time.

Of course smoking in an almost enclosed truck made us once again look like a version of "Cheech and Chong go Camping"... the smoke was billowing out from the inside and must have looked like the truck was on fire. We were also in bear country and the sign says to keep your food locked in your car (Check - did that), next line says "NOT where you are sleeping (UH, what if you are sleeping in the locked car). Luckily no Grizzlies came to say "Hello, give me a damn hot dog".

We decided to come home at 6:15am today after waiting 30 minutes for our camping percolator to produce the weakest coffee we have ever had - Why isn't there a Starbucks on Boreas Pass???

Anyway - Ron is hopeful that he can fix the truck easily - we expected that this might happen since we got that particular part very cheap and used - but hey, if it didn't break it would have been a great deal!!

We survived this adventure, I hope there is a less exciting one in our future!!!!!! Love you All...

PS. Mallory got a job at the "Melt" store at the mall - I am sure that will bring some interesting news............ Their biggest seller is "Fizzy Balls" which Mallory can't say with a straight face.....

Pictures of 4-Wheeling in the truck

It runs, It climbs and OZZFest

Ok - for those of you that took bets on whether the 4-Runner would end it life as a "4-Sitter" now it is time to pay up or collect.

Ron and I took the truck on a trail over Mt. Evans.... it was fun - even more so because it needs shocks...... It drove great, the seat belts work well too, some of the trail was a bit rough and the seat belt kept me in my seat!

Ron was somewhat skeptical about the steering and in fact had an entire steering assembly in the back of the truck "just in case" we had to replace it on the trail. We thought the trail would only take a couple of hours, but it ended up being more like 5-6 hours - all a super fun time!!

All right - time to call your bookie and pay up!!!!!!!

Mallory went to Ozzfest yesterday - Ron made her SUPER happy and got 9 tickets so she could invite her friends.... Ron even let her take the car while grounded... we were laughing when she called us at midnight and somehow had gotten lost driving, the concert was at Fiddlers Green (Coors Amplitheatre) and she somehow was at Havana and Alameda....... We realized that she doesn't know North, South, East and West at night when she can't see the mountains.... It took a while to talk her through it, but she made it home by 1 am.....

Ron and I have since given in to her inadequacies of direction and installed a compass and a road atlas in her car..... we will find out if she can read the atlas on her next adventure out in the car!!

She currently hates us because next week the GPS is being hardwired into her car along with a camera installed on the rearview mirror - thanks to our insurance company the camera records all sudden activity inside and outside of the car and sends a report to us...... In addition the GPS will email text Ron if her speed exceeds 75 MPH, we set it there knowing that at 80MPH the wheels will likely have a sudden departure from our little Ford Focus... OH TO BE A TEENAGER in the year 2007!!

We had a friend take some pictures of the trail (Proof that the truck really did go on it, for those of you skeptical that we towed it up there and parked it on the road to take pictures, we will attempt to include video) I will post them when we get them.......... Love you all!!!

Mallory's trial

AHHHH....... Another blissful day bonding with my teenager.

She plead guilty to a lessor charge of "Illegal Dumping", agreed to 3 months of probation (Juvenile Diversion) and fines that they still cannot give us an amount.

She has an appointment with the probation department on August 10th and if we agree to the penalities they want to impose she will go back to court on August 20th to either start the process over or have the judge sign off on the agreement that probation sets such as: community service, an essay explaining why she won't do it again and OF COURSE fines.

So no, the saga is not yet over.

However, we were rather entertained by a man throwing a chair because the judge would not throw out his domestic violence charges. We also ran into a family member, it was good bonding time.

I am hoping that soon Mallory will earn her angel wings and turn out to be a good girl - however, she informed me that her previous angel wings got caught in her horns and came off.

In other news, Ambers eyebrows are coming along nicely, the green sharpie she used to draw them back on is slowly wearing off as well.

Love and kisses from the craziest household in Littleton!!

Where have I been?? & Amber shaved off her eyebrows

Ok so sorry for the brief vacation from blogging. Here are some of the highlights of the last month:

1. Amber was playing beauty shop and shaved off "most" of her eyebrows.. This of course has been devastating to all of us as holding in the laughter has given the entire family minor heart attacks and some very sore ribs... She will recover although she does look like a house elf and is hard to look at for more than a second or two...

2. I was very sick.... All at once I had a Sinus Infection (Snot running continuously down the back of my throat) making my nose stuffed up so I could not breath through it, at the same time I had Acute Bronchitis (Snot trying to come up my throat) and making it hard to breath through my mouth. THE KICKER - was Strep throat causing my throat to swell and tickle. THE COMBINATION was a snot traffick jam in my throat made me one scary, whiny and irratable woman who could only sleep and gasp for air.... Pay no mind to the major Nicotine fits because unless I could smoke through my ears, it wasn't happening.

3. Mallory passed her driving test and we are happy to report that we NEVER have to ride in the car with her again. However, we are depending on all of you to keep an eye out for a dark Gray Ford Focus that is driving like a mad bat.... please call us to report her driving skills or lack thereof.... We are all safe until August 1st though, as she is already grounded from her license... OH to be a teenager.

4. We went up to my Step Moms cabin in Grandby to go boating and relax. The most relaxing part was being on the center of the lake in a severe lightening storm.. OOPS. We did survive mostly intact, other than our wits which were fried.

5. I purchased the new Harry Potter book at Midnight at a Grand Hallows ball. However, I was stuck in line with Amber who was excitedly talking and spit into the lady in line behind us's eye... Of course, Amber laughed feverishly instead of apologizing... I did have a rather charming young man in front of me that was very interesting, however all charms were lost when he asked me for my phone number (HELLO I HAVE A WEDDING RING)........ I kindly replied with "I could give you my husbands number, he looks something like Hagrid". All conversation ceased immediately...

6. I miss all of my friends at Qwest, it is always a promise to keep in touch but inevitably life changes and people get busy.... Oh how I miss the laughs and the doughnuts.

I am sure now that life is back on track and our near death and near loss of eyebrow experiences are fading I will be able to blog more.... An update on the blog Thursday for sure after Mallory's trial....

See you all - Love you all!!

Coni

Ron has another new truck - I am insane

OK so here it is - When I awoke Thursday Ron informed me with that little kid that just found a new toy smile that he had bought another truck. Ron works hard, generally isn't crazy and does a lot for the family so I figured - NO BIG DEAL..... Well, that was until he told me that he needed to tow it home........ here we go again....

So he rented a tow dolly from U-Haul and we drove to Loveland yesterday to pick it up, we actually hauled it with a Toyota Tacoma (a fairly small truck) which Ron informed me wouldn't be a problem since the new truck didn't weigh very much... I was afraid to ask "why"...

Then I am thinking - where are we going to put this thing???? Of course like any other redneck hillbilly - IN THE BACKYARD. So I try to find the bright side of this - we can use the bed of it as a swimming pool or I could plant flowers in it - to make it less of an eye sore........ then I am told "No there isn't a truck bed"..... HMMM We already have tires to sit on in the back yard like every good hillbilly does so maybe we can add the seats from the truck; then I am told "No there aren't any seats". So then I start thinking that it must have a hood - that could be used for shade until I am told "there isn't a hood".

At this point I am totally baffled as to WHAT can be done with this new truck........ HERE ARE A COUPLE OF PHOTOS of course taken with it's best sides showing:




OK - so I love my husband and I know he is somewhat of a "Mad Scientist" when it comes to cars but THIS is by far the weirdest purchase. Of course, he is SUPER excited because it only cost him $250.... I am thinking we got ripped off and that it would be more fun to light it on fire for the 4th of July. But I was told "NO" by my psychotic but cute husband......

So I am open to suggestions of what can be done with the beast in my backyard to make it less of an eye sore, here are some other suggestions I came up with:

Cover it with astroturf - of course that won't plend with the brown weeds in the back-yard
Plant roses in it - however, this would draw attention to it (a blind man could see it the way it is now)
Paint it camoflauge - of course the desert colors since I don't have green grass
Light it on fire - and do the rain dance in hopes of turning my backyard green OR the fire department will show up and water my grass for me (only after it caught fire of course)

HELP.

Sincerely,
Wife of a Madman

Cleaning an 8 year olds bedroom

My daughter Amber thinks she is a princess........ by the looks of her room she is the princess of a hazmat swamp. My other daughter is the princess of darkness (most of her posters say things like: "THE STUPID FACTORY - Where boys are made"). I wish she felt that way since she is almost 16 years old........

Anyway, Amber is off to girlscout camp for a funfilled week of playing with kids her own age (and hopefully not torturing the camp counselors). So I decided it was time to clean her room. Amber has a "thing" for rocks, I didn't realize how big this thing was until I found half of my rock garden piled in her closet - yes folks, she xeriscaped her closet with my front yard.......

I also found many unidentifiable sticky substances, picked up a pink barbie container that exploded in a cloud of pink glittery powder, once the air cleared and I could see the exit I made a dive for it over the 3 trash bags of stuffed animals that were each covered in lipstick and eye shadow. My daughter is Tammy Faye Bakers future make-up artist.

After seeing my barbie pink, glittery face and hair, I decided I was going back in to attack her room. I went in slowly not knowing what was going to attack next - - little did I know that all of the tiny barbie accessories (tiny shoes, hairbrushes and purses) were weapons. So after a brief attempt to continue in my cleaning adventure in Princess Has too Muches room I had to retreat yet again, this time to the first aid kit to find the tweezers to pick a barbie high heel out of my foot, cover it with a bandaid and continue my mission.

After 5 long hours of work it looks the same as when I started but there are 3 lawn and leaf bags full of trash, I have only just scratched the surface....

If I survive this mission I will post more, If I do not please tell my princesses that I went to battle in Princess Has too Muches territory and fought my hardest, hopefully the Princess of Darkness will understand........

Bonding time in Juvenile Penal Court

Mallory and I decided to spend the day together, enjoying each others presence and the Lakewood Police Department and Court center..... After a few mintes of being there and seeing the other kids and their scary parents, I think she is happy to have Ron and I. We observed that many of the kids were already on probation for other offenses and some of the parents were actually wearing those ankle bracelet things. Some parents were stoic, others crying, others laughing hysterically at the charges their kids committed (most of them were serious). Mallory and I just sat silent, waiting our turn to find out what this deck of jacked up cards is dealing us. She is scared, I am lost and together in that crowd, for once, we looked.......normal.

OK so today was Mallory's court date and after hearing that she would have to be in the Juvenile Diversion Program (Probation) for 1 year, 200 hours community service and $1,000 fine for pleading GUILTY, we decided that we needed to plead NOT GUILTY.

After talking with the DA, she said that if Mallory plead NOT GUILTY that they will go through a pre-discovery phase in which the prosecutors office will talk to the officer as to why he felt the need to write a ticket for deadly weapons given that it was a bottle tossed only 5 or so feet.

I also paid to have access to all documents related to the case and received what the police officer wrote about Mallory on the back of his copy of the ticket. Everything checks out - she had a good attitude, was cooperative and polite and told him that tossing it was stupid and that she was sorry.

THIS IS SOOOOO ABSURD!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now it goes to trial on July 26th, we either have to get an attorney or have Mallory represent herself (that would be interesting.... "Like, I was being on the LD your sir, like I kinda did it, like I don't know why")

Anyway - so we are looking for an attorney just to talk to about it since we only have 1 paragraph of document and a trial, I am not sure we want to retain one...... not even sure how much it would cost for something this pathetic...

It has been a rough day - Amber played Volleyball and did GREAT!!!! Time to rest!!!!!